Is it completely ridiculous to think that if I had some sort of surgery to lose weight that I could keep it off?  I said it was when my dad and best friend got gastro and the band.  They both lost about 70-80 lbs then have slowly been gaining it back.  Why?  Because they never learned to control their behaviors with food.  They were the same and only their bodies changed.  Well their bodies weren't the problems it was their obsession with food.  And here I sit thinking that I would be different then they were.  That if I had the surgery I would have so much energy to live more actively and the weight loss would encourage me to eat better.  Lies, most likely.  The lies that people tell themselves to feel ok about having the surgeries.  I don't even have the money to do it anyway.  I just want a quick fix because I can't figure out why I can't stop eating and not exercising. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  Just needed to scream about it.  I hate the way I look.  I look haggard, ugly, even my hair looks gross today.  I am not a fan of these days because feeling like this just puts me in a really bad mood and I get very self conscience and can't enjoy a thing, except for food and sleep.  Lord pull me from the ridiculous bed of selfhatred I have made for myself.  Show me how to lose weight smartly, healthily and in a way that eliminates that power that food has over me.  Please, I am slowly sinking into a very bad place.